Sentiments Before 20

One of the most fun I've had. Chaotic yet unbelievably successful. Philip, Terrence, and I, were working for Backwoods, and one of the itineraries given was Lake Danum (it wasn't required but we wanted to put it in there), after the band performance, together with some friends, we ditched two hours of duty on the jam over sunsets overlooking the Lake. (We weren't allowed to enter the Lake for some reasons). We had a quiet time before we headed at the Jam.

Teenage years are a huge spot in your milestone as it’s filled with details supposed to put you on things you won’t miss out - given, that we learn new things, experience them, laugh about them, and grow unto them is an everyday thing. Admit it or not, having to experience friendship, family, core memories, and a shitty yet not-so-boring stuffs on your teenage years would be the best story time you’d tell people one day, I mean, come on, once upon a time we’re all idiots, and dickheads trying to have a life because we don’t have that much responsibility.

I mean, responsibility is still responsibility, no matter how big or small that is, but, enjoying your teenage years before going in to your early 20s - trust me, that’s a big flex! It’s giving get-a-life-ass-face, before, mind-your-own-business-dickhead.

Trying to put up a goal and actually visioning your life to try and accomplish the lists you’ve made since you’re thirteen, might not be a smart move. It’s you versus everybody else. It’s you trying to graduate while working, working while paying rent, bills, and utilities, paying while getting out of debt, getting out of debt while figuring out your next step, figuring out your next step while trying to deal with daily circumstances because you don’t know what’s bound to happen tomorrow, dealing with those circumstances while trying to connect with everybody and connecting with everybody while trying to save yourself not to have everything in one plate and break it.

Man, oh, man, if it weren’t for my loving relatives, family, friends, and the people surrounding me in this new environment I’m at today, I would be lost. And I’m grateful for all of you, for the understanding, and unending patience. These are elite memories I would be holding forever. Thank you!

I’ve always wanted to start settling down when I’m 28, that’s 8 years from today, and by where I’m at, I wouldn’t meet that, that may be okay, but, I will be losing numbers of days of wanting to explore and experience the life I badly wanted to build for myself - I wouldn’t want that, simply because I just lost 4 years of my life wanting to have fun, years where I was limited of meeting people, socializing, and

what-not. It may/ may not be selfish of me to say that, and lossing that many years is a fighting battle. It’s insane, and it drives me crazy.

Shit happens, everyday, anyway - and it’s never wrong, but, it just feels good to have something to look forward to everyday.

I just wish that I should’ve thought of all of this after 19. Life’s circumstances will always change your perspective in life, and, that’s good. Boy, oh, boy, when I started doing these lists, and life just started to trick me and flash at me, it freak the freak out of me, and the last four years of my life was a

whole mess-and-stress. Things that should happen in about every five years in an individual’s life, was compiled in a whole-four-year-course, and it drained the shit out of me, but, hey, I am proud that those things opened new doors for me. Look at me trying to get my shit together at 20, bigger priorities, bigger responsibilities, and it’s messier than I thought it would be.

It’s chaotically fun.

I’m kidding, it ain’t fun, but it could be worth it.

Spend time with the people close to you

At times where you’re out and about and trying to make your circle as big as you can, please never stop doing that, never stop exploring a whole variety of friendships and people - may it be close your age or older than you, it is fine. If you want to blend in, then do that, be yourself - let the people like you, let them hate you. When they hate you, don’t bother, you’re not born to please everybody. You-hate-me-feeling’s-mutual: DROP IT.

But, on the process of exploring stuff, and engaging in different communities, I beg you, in between those, find it in your heart, to work stuff out with your siblings, spend as much time as you could with them, check on your parents, check on your granparents, all those people who are close to you - whom you see everyday, if you have issues work them out. You may hear it a lot - “you just don’t know what might happen tomorrow,” and it’s real.

I lost people two days after having fun with them, laughing it off, sharing stories I’ve never heard

before - these people are just so dear to me, they’re family whom I’ve created friendship with. For years it felt like I’ve lost a heavy weight on my shoulder trying to build that with them. After fun times they just went like that, and it just happened consecutively, you just don’t have time to let it go - believe it or not, it just doesn’t happen: you can never move on from it. You have to learn how to deal with it, and embrace it.

And I’m not saying that you should create a frienship inside the family to have a greater burden when they’re gone but to actually feel at ease that wherever you are, whatever you’re going through, no matter what that is, that friendship weighs more than family - you get what I mean?

Talk about your bad habits, the life you want to throw, all these darkness you’re holding, first of all friendship would understand and console you which would give you time to feel in the emotions you’re going through, to validate your feelings. When you’re feeling better, they will turn into family - it’s a long sermon, until you feel like shit again, and that’s the beauty of it. At least you’ll know what to do, with all those cursing and yelling - it’s you trying to figure out your next step from a failure - from their disciplinary actions. It may be the Kardashians talking, but, sweetheart, that’s friendship you can never change, you can never get from anybody. Next thing you know you’re off to college in the city, and you’re on your own - there’s just no turning back to everybody you left at home in all problems you’re about to encounter.

Be comfortable with them. Tell them you love them, hug them as often. Call them daily, maybe weekly. Just build good relationship with them.

You’re trained from that friendship and raised from that family. You’re gorgeous, you’re slaying, you’re all of it. You’re a queen. Keep Slaying!

Kudos to Philip for taking these photos on this amazing night. Happy Birthday to our ever loving, and welcoming Mama Joy!

We're all lucky to have met you, and have you watch over us up above. We love you!

Take as Many Pictures as You Can

There was a point in my life where I was so embarrassed to take pictures of these special events I could never turn back to. I was shy to ask if I could take a picture with them, embarassed to go all in and pass by people just for a photo of a moment I don’t want to lose, and to this very day I regret that - I do. I just have maybe 2 or 3 photos of some of the closest people I’ve lost because of shyness and embarassment. Believe me, I would kill to go back in time and fight myself for that. After that, I fell inlove with collecting memories, it’s just a shame, I didn’t have that confidence years ago.

Invest in your iCloud, invest in your Google Photos, doesn’t matter what, just pay for storage, trust me, it’s a treasure. In a year time, or two, print them out, put it in an album, share some but not all in social media, just never delete them, if you’re out of storage on your cloud, have a drive you’re confident with, 10 years time, take time to browse them out. Boom-boom-bam-bam-nostalgia at it’s finest.

Personal pictures wouldn’t matter if they’re grainy or a lil blurry, but hey, don’t be upset if you have those results, at least there’s one photo to remember things by, you’ll survive. Story-telling might be a thing, but to show people a 2-dimension thing and let them imagine what happened at that point is damn everything. You’re on fire.

Join Organizations but...

Most of us are born in families who are active on certain organizations, and at some point it’s just compulsary to follow on their footsteps. Well, given, that you’re already known because of them, but, though you have a lot on your plate, join as much organizations as you can, expose yourself and share as much to the community, but, see to it that you enjoy it, you love it, and you’re not just sharing but learning. After learning about enjoying and loving, learn about the organization itself - well, honey, in this world, it wouldn’t exist without business, so, make yourself a silent member of the business side of the organization.

Not only will you learn more, but you will also grow and analyze how people work with people and most especially you. It may/may not make sense now, but, it will.

These organizations aren’t ‘just,just,’ you don’t join because your friends did too, but you join because it helps you, it makes something out of your career. Maybe, for you, at the moment, it wouldn’t matter, but trust the process. As young as you are, you have lots of priveleges opened, there are programs where you can start investing your money starting on low bills ( I kid you not, please do this), programs you can share your talents, programs where you want to discover yourself. Get as much friends involved as you can. But please don’t just join, attend as much meetings as you can, suggest as much as you can, do things for the community as much as you can. See that ‘as much as you can’ it's getting out of hand.

It comes with a lot of responsibility but you’ll need it. I swear, learn how to love the people you’re working with and try to embrace every chaos that comes your way - you’re a queen. I adore you.

Organize as Many Surprise Events as You Can

Go on, chastise me, but, you’ll have so much fun doing this. The process, the stress, the laughter, the secret you have to keep. All your turning 20-responsibly starter pack is in there. They’re small and pricey events, but, let’s be real, you’re sparing yourself fun and allowing yourself to unconciously learn about values, respect, discipline, and responsibility. It’s a great-deal if you’d ask me.

These are the times where you’ll learn about composing yourself on situations you may/may not have control over - could be your best personality that’s for sure.

Along with those things, it’s purely therapeautic, it brings you so much seratonin that for a second you live in the moment.

Ah, fun times!

Save More

I can’t stress this enough - it may not be ideal for everyone as being a student along with joining clubs, youth groups, church groups, community organizations while working to save more is unbearable. School activities crashing with your job schedule because at the same time there is a community event that requires lots of things to do, and at some point you just want to break yourself into two, to not stress everyone out, but - it’s worth the future.

Being a working student, is for me, highly recommended, it doesn’t matter what job, what business you’re working on, as long as you’re earning. There’s a lot to work on your plate as you have to do everything at the same time but step by step you’re learning to maintain a lifestyle, a business, an investment, disciplinary measures, and providing extras for yourself.

One of the biggest mistakes I’ve made, yet, was I’ve spent more rather than saving more. And it’s a

pain-in-the-ass because everything I’ve envisioned is not working perfectly as apparently moving out is never easy. What’s budgeting if you have to fill in an empty house with everything, and everyday you have to survive without spending too much on groceries whilst looking for needs to make the house a home. I know I shouldn’t be stressing out with things I don’t need that much, but, just imagine waking up every morning and you go around the house and realize that you need trashbins, tissues, chairs, tables, pillows, etcs., you go out to work, or you go out for school, and your mind is not working in the present because it’s fixated with your needs - it fucks with everything and that’s frustrating. I’m so glad I got out of it, but, I miserably failed on other aspects I should’ve brought more attention to. It’s giving a your-life-is-fucked vibe but you have to go on and look back and go on and look back. It’s a process you don't have much choice.

I fought my way to where I’m at right now, and I don’t recommend it. I am really lucky, and so grateful to have amazing and wonderful people surrounding me at the moment, but, if these people aren’t here, I don’t know where to pick myself up. They’re the whole reason I’m trying to get through, one step at a time.

The younger you start saving, the more time you’re securing yourself for possibilities you might never know would come - and that’s for sure.

Work, save, spend your money wisely, but at the same time, always, always listen to people who talk about budgeting, spending, saving and investing. Their knowledge, experience, and expertise will save the heck out of you. That’s free education right there, just don’t fuck it up. The earlier you realize some of the techniques and mistakes the better.

Save while you can.

Travel As Much

Some of the organizations you’re joining may/may not require peer travels, business travels, youth camps, diocesan camps, etc. Some of these things are sponsored - grab that opportunity, some requires you to pay on a budget, and some are free. Enabling yourself to have a breathe of new air, walk paths on different levels, would be one that you might want to consider. I mean we’re only teenagers for once in our lives, why wait until we get a free schedule on our 40s to do that right?

Traveling teaches so much about yourself - you encounter things you never knew were possible, and from that you’ll learn to grow from your mistakes.

You could choose to travel in groups but if you allow yourself to travel alone, that’s way much better - I guess. If you’re scared, well, the hell with the world: DO IT SCARED.

These are just some sentiments I’ve had since I was 18. It’s not half true nor half false, but it’s the sentiment I’ve come to learn and live with. It may not be for everyone, which I highly wouldn’t want to happen because every teen deserves to know more about the half provided reality rather than being enclosed on solving friendships and matters. You have a lot to offer, and the world cannot wait to share its space with you. Do it while you still can, because, damn, the next thing you know there’s not much of a small town walking you through the road you did not plan to.

These aren’t everything I’ve wished to write, but, I don’t have much time to do so. It’s just scary, that today, even my time for writing has to be scheduled, lol, adulting - I love it tho!

See you next time.