Two Year Difference: Friends and Career

This was written while Tina Turner's Album along with ABBA and Dolly Parton Essential's are playing on the background. Proud Mary, The Best, Waterloo, Mamma Mia, Islands in the Stream, and Jolene definitely inspired me - AHHH, they just have this spark where something inside me makes me do things, they motivate and make me a free spirit (I hope I'm not the only one).

That's cheesy, but okay.

Do you remember the last time someone your age asked so many question about yourself?

I really wish I could take this moment back. So thankful for having this journey full of love, care, and laughter. To Philip and Terrence, you guys are the best and the most amazing team I've ever worked with.

I was asked that question on one interview, which to this day I still cannot answer.

"I'm only 18, young, and only starting to get going, what's there to unfold about myself? I mean aren't we all? What do you mean? Well yeah, technically: you guys are my age, it's this day." One of the students frankly mentioned, "You're witty, cheerful, supportive, you're all about friends, you're their open book, we mean, we've never heard anything about you - yourself." Apparently before this they've met with some of the people they think I'm close with but didn't approach them like they're doing surveys, they had it done casually, like a story-telling kind of thing. It's just so crazy how this generation and the younger ones have this crazy ideas that always, always have the best outcome - CRAZILY AMAZING - CRA-MAZING! "(Sweetie), thank you, but, that's who I am when I'm with friends that I cherish so much they're no longer friends but family. We talk, we share the most amazing memories, but, we just don't share, we also take what hurts them, we take what makes them weak even if it means ruining ourselves, it's okay. We take risks. We fight. We made-up."

This has been going on for two hours and it actually felt good to talk about people I'd forever keep with people who barely knew them but are the same age as us. Two years later, I may have the answer to that, but it would differ the next ten years...twenty years...thirty years.

To all those thinking about taking risks to be in a new environment. Even if you're scared, do it scared. I'm in high hopes, it's worth the risk. Anyway, this was two years ago, two years where fiddling where you want to take your next step was the biggest decision that would impact your career. We may be enjoying doing this project but in between this were: exams, modules, and other worth taking responsibilities.

To answer the question: It was two years ago. Two years ago where I didn't tell them: it's fun to have people expect from you and work under pressure because life always requires you to work under pressure, consciously or subconsciously. It's fun if you look at it on another 'perspective.' I've always put myself last, and every responsibility first, my friends are having fun, I always say no about going out (remember this was before), but when they ring at 3am in the morning crying, my ringer is on full volume ready to pick up their call, when they ring at 12am stressed about what's going on, I always, always pick up and say 'okay come over,' and the best thing is,

it never hurt me to do those, it may have annoyed me, but it wouldn't hurt to listen and be there for them, sometimes it's all they need. That taught me about having the longest patience and understanding on people.

Two years ago, I was insane about joining every clubs and organisations in hopes of getting scholarship for the uni. I've then lost myself along the way, I meant who I really am, but then people kept pushing me to go the right way, which I'm very grateful for. I just didn't realise how draining it was, I did get what I hoped for and entered in some of the universities, but, I wasn't happy, I wasn't decided - I got scared - I can't do it all over again. No. I was disappointed with myself too, but, I was losing my sanity. Some of you might think that I will always get my sanity back, it may take time, but I'll just have to learn how to embrace what people want from me.

Again, my answers to all of this may not be for everybody and that's okay, I solely respect that. Yes, I will get my sanity back, but, telling myself to just live with it, and embrace what people want me to become because I can't take it back knowing that I can still do something about it could be the greatest mistake I'd be making. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong. But, would it just be better if I'd take my risk this early in my timeframe and do all everyone's what ifs later if I'm wrong?

I do love writing outside where there is peace and quiet. I wish I've done this more often when I had the time. It really is too late for regrets.

Ask me the same question now that I'm two years older. This would my answer.

At times we expect a lot for ourselves, a lot from definite situations. When it doesn't go the way we want to, we begin again, and again until we have that satisfaction or an even better outcome - or we choose to go the other way. And by the way, going the other way - it's where I feel like real life is always such a letdown. I've been impaired to see every negative detail whilst believing that all the positivities will overthrow it. It was too late when I learned that it doesn't always work that way.

By the time I've put myself out there, I was having fun, that I forgot what responsibility and priority was. Everything fell apart, but, all these blessings and opportunities never stopped coming. I think everything that happened was meant to happen, every doors that closed, many new doors opened. The new beginning, which I am still learning about and embracing is the strongest blessing I've come to meet so far in this journey. I have the most genuine, greatest, and gorgeous people, a really beautiful workplace and environment, and the sweetest yet sometimes grumpy co-workers. I hated the kitchen but they made me love what I hated most. It changed my life.There's passion in that work. But it's not just those who are inside that workplace who did change my perspective, it's also the people who have been there when I was trying to pull myself together. These people saved me in so many ways they don't know yet, one of which I hold in high regards.

Sometimes when I'm on my way to work and I'm reading Matthew Perry's Friends, Lovers, and The Big Terrible Thing, I space out and words just come rushing down my head that if I don't write it down on my notes or any paper, I would keep thinking about it all day, and maybe in every 3 hours even if my workplace is busy, I would stop hearing everything from my surroundings and listen to my thoughts. I know it's crazy but it happens, which is not good nor bad, lol. I just hope someone out there understands what I mean. It's like battling with your inner self, only you have the power to control it. All that inner thoughts makes me feel lost, but you know what? It's okay to feel lost, I've never been this version of myself before. My journey is uniquely mine, as so is yours.

Focus Inwards.

I'm just so proud about this shot. Philip was pointing out that there's an old lady on the rice fields on our way to the falls, and I was continuously asking where until I zoomed in the camera to see what it was. We waited around 2-3 minutes to have her in the centre. I wanted to create a 90s film vibe, Philip and Terrence wanted to create two different edits from their angle. Luckily she stood at the centre for about 3 minutes to rest then went on. It's just crazy how the three of us had different versions of how we want the story to be told by the picture. I'm not really sure where their shots are now, but, I do hope they'll put it out there.

Has it ever occurred to you, that maybe, in the tiniest possibility, we are all the same but written, carved, and binded in different situations, circumstances, and obstacles, in order to create the best possible story for future generation to learn from, and if that wouldn't work the future generation become the stems that would write another story where the next generation would mould, polish and heal all of our 'what if' situations? I mean we do always say 'how does it feel to be God's favourite,' but God never favoured anybody who didn't survive all of those circumstances he's fed them - which we'll know about the coming tomorrows. It's always timing, destiny, and faith that brings us all together, but it also favours our intuitions when to step in, and change everything. It's just so magical how in every day that you are a part of a person's life, you feel like you belong there, you're connected, and most of, you just can't let it go and you can't spell out reasons why.

One person can either bring you a drastic change and revelation: who could be your truth and non the wiser or your keeper and your secret - but either, they still fall off as change. There'd be a person who'd you want to give them a taste of their own medicine but, (as I go on about this, please understand that it came from a perspective of a woman, if not, then a female), woman nature, we'd rather have them know that we see them fully. We see the wounds that's causing them to be that person, we see their inner child. And those wounds are meant to be met with love and nurturing. More often than not they don't need a taste of the medicine, they need no lesson, rather, love.

We all try to be unique. We mirror other people's personalities and take some of it for ourselves - it's a mosaic: we are a mosaic. It's stunning, gorgeous, and the most wholesome thing a person resembles from people, but, sometimes I ask myself 'Am I Me?' or 'Am I just a collection of personalities from the people I've come across?' Sometimes it feels genuine, other times, you just don't know if you feel anything.

When you doubt yourself in creating something, or trying to do something new and blue. Always instill that you have so much power over your life. It is possible for you to create change. Yes things happen, people get in the way, people get stuck of certain things about who you are or what you've become but, honey, time heals you, holds you, creates you, and defines you to an even better you.

Time is your sculptor and you are the greatest sculpture that's ever existed.

It's just so funny to look back and think about the things where you thought, 'well that's not attainable at all, I'm never getting there, and in time it turns out to be so achievable. The way I see it, sometimes the matter of believability doesn't always work, often times what you believe is what you don't see, it's in there it just needs a you to become real.

In my opinion, the power we have is so underrated. So, if you have this believability and you feel strongly about - pursue it and always hold on to the flame and how it contrasts you. You are a pioneer of the future.

The most common problem women could have when doing outside projects, especially on a gloomy day, and you haven't had much sleep is having their monthly period that very same day, and it happens every time. No matter how much you try to be polite, at times where you can't really keep it you just can't stop complaining about everything. It's uncomfortable, irritating, and sometimes period cramps get it the way, but you still have to go on because you have to meet a deadline. Me, being a woman, that's a love and hate relationship out there.

If you could name this chapter of your life, what would you call it?